I cry for you

Okay so most of you are likely wondering why on earth would i put that! well here is the deal this spring break i went to Alberta were my grandpa and a whole bunch of other family lives! and now i dont spend alot of time with my grandpa and i normaly hate going there...but for some reason this time when i went there to see him he brought tears to my eyes! he looks so sick....he cant walk he has to ride in a wheel chair! he is shrinking and he looks like hes a lil kid only hes old! he has blisters on his feet that he doesnt know were they came from....he can hardly talk and his eyes are hardly open! he tries to talk and be open about how he feels....he even told my mom that he wished someone would just shoot him! now this may not seem like a really bad thing to any of you! but really this kills me....now normaly im not a very heartfilled person but now i cant stop thinking about my grandpa! i cry every now and then because i feel like i should be there with him keeping him company and talking with him and taking him on walks with me but im useless way over here in manitoba! my mind now a days is in a totally different place! i try to hide my thoughts but andy notices them! and im sure others do to! i dont talk as much! and i feel sick alot! i wish i could trade my life so my grandpa could live longer and have a longer life and beable to see more things! there are a million things in my head telling me that im crazy for wanting this but its how my heart feels! it kills me to see him like he is! it hurts my heart! i wish i was with him now! i love how ppl can walk around like things are fine when really there is nothing right about this my whole world has changed in a week! and its amazing how i feel! i wish that i was with him now! i mean yah i have a great life i have a great family and a wonderful boyfriend who cares and loves me with all his heart and i feel the same way for him but why couldnt my grandpa stay a little longer in this world and share his love with his wife and his kids and hes grand daughters and grand sons! that would be the best thing for him! i dunno this all seems so complicated but i just wish people knew that things arent always okay and that things are never ever fair!
I miss You Grandpa Don! xoxox cant wait to see you!